At a recent tribal wedding that I had attended at Jharkand, I got to talk to some politicians – a group that I have almost never come in contact with.
One person that stood out was a smart chap. He was an IAS officer, worked in the government as Revenue Secretary. His wife was Chief Secretary (I think) and his father was in the first parliament of Independent India. He had given up his job, stood for elections and unfortunately, lost.
He was cribbing that nowadays the youngsters do not listen to elders and a lot of wisdom is lost because of this attitude.
He went on to tell a story – he was in charge of a particular place and there was a huge water problem there, in spite of the area getting good rains. There was an old man who lived in one of the neighbouring villages and used to visit his offices regularly asking them to build a dam at a particular place just near some hills. This officer deputed one of his juniors to go with the old man to see the spot and work out the costing of building a dam there. The officer confirmed that it was a good place to build a small dam and got a quote of around 16 lacs.
A couple of days later, the old man again came to see him saying that 16 lacs for the dam was too high and he could get it done in less than 2 lacs. Nobody believed him and thought that it was some scam to take the money and disappear! The old man realised what was happening and pleaded with the office not to give him any money but to buy a couple of truckloads of a particular type of stone and get it dumped on site. The officer had the authority to do this and gave the order.
When he visited the site after a few days, the office saw that the old man had arranged the rectangular shaped stones in an apparently random manner near the foot of the hills. Nobody could figure out how it would work. Then came the rains and the water flowed down the hills and went right through the holes between the stones!!
Whilst everyone was disgusted, the old man was delighted and kept telling everyone – the leaks should be present – that is my engineering!
Everyone had resigned themselves to the fact that the couple of lacs that the govt. had put in was lost, until one day it rained really heavily and a huge quantity of water came gushing down the hills bringing along with it mud, leaves and other trash which promptly plugged the holes in the dam!
Eventually, the water collected in that dam supplied water to 6 villages around it.
Niranjan Bangera
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IRS decides to audit Grampa
The IT decides to audit Grandpa, and summons. The IT auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I don’t believe you.
I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’
Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’
The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet..’ Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor’s jaw drops. Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
‘Not really,’ says the attorney.
‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!
I keep telling you! Don’t Mess with Old People!!
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